Friday, June 26, 2009

Love in the afterlife

Raindrops on my face,
I drank them yesterday,
The raindrops made me smile all day.

They mask my tears now.
I hate the rain today.

It smells like a monsoon 6 years back... the high, oh the high of happiness! The indescribable joy of innocent love.
The memory of a loving look and a gentle caress is all it takes to make the world come crashing down. The thought of that warm embrace...and it will kill me today.
And crashing down it came..the world.

Check my pulse. I'm dead.

I hate the rain today.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Benevolent Pain

Destiny is a bratty child with a twisted mind. You know, the ones that give you the creeps in horror movies, twisting their dolls' heads and performing amputations on Bambi.

Game plan #1 of twisted child destiny (not to be confused here with destiny's child): Not giving you a thing you really wish for and then throwing it in your lap when you are in the process of getting a lap dance; who wants wishes on their laps then!

2000: It is a childhood crush. Strong enough that had she been 22, she would have mistaken it for love (not very unlike most people that age). But she is 13 and sensible enough to recognize it as a mirage. Nevertheless, it hurts. (The hurt part is the side dish of twisted child destiny's 7 course meal)
One wish of that phase of her life, "I want to talk to him". Twisted child makes sure she doesn't. She pines and dreams until there is no line between the real and the virtual. She has built up endless conversations with him in her head. That keeps her happy until she is past the mirage. Chapter over.

2009: She is sitting across him on a couch, laughing with him, content in knowing that he is one of the closest friends she has today. Without realising, she has started walking down the famed memory lane, thinking back to the day she was standing in the canteen, waiting for him to talk to her. "I can't find anything to watch on t.v. and now I've finished surfin-- Hey, are you even listening? I am talking to you!" he says.
Talking! Twisted child sure has a sense of humour!

But she is in love today with someone else, and happier than she could ever expect. Would she have found this love then, had he talked to her in the canteen back then?

"Why am I hated so?" wept the poor child destiny, "when all I want, is to do good?"

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Rufus the Stubborn

"NO, NO, NO, you don't understand! The Earth is round! R.O.U.N.D.!" said Christopher Baba Columbus to his friend Rufus the Stubborn. "I know because I've been around it!"
"Hogwash!" said our Rufus [here, Mister Christopher suffered a mild heart attack]. "So long as my porridge doesn't spill from its bowl, i will believe the Earth is flat, thank you." And he continued munching on his apple pie.
Until the day he decided to take a night-time stroll to the edge of the earth after a particularly heavy meal. That day changed everything for Rufus the Stubborn and he went to being called Rufus the Scared for the rest of his life.

But this story is about Rufus the Stubborn and not Rufus the Scared.

"Never invest too much of affection and hope in any relationship. You are not strong enough to grapple with the debris, lest it falls." Rufus was told by a person much beloved to him. Incidentally, since he was stubborn, he just pooh-poohed the advice and went on loving unconditionally, his friends.
Medulus was a new friend Rufus made one day. Days changed to months and years and Rufus did not realise how Medulus became his best friend. He shared all his secrets with Medulus [whom he called Meduloo, when he was tipsy with all the ale]. Ale, and girls and his favourite apple pie, they bonded over. Medulus was the person who understood him the best, he said to his beloved advisor. "Why, i think he is my closest friend. And so it shall be forever!"

A year later, Rufus was sitting at his mahogany desk, his nib shivering, as he wrote about the wounds of his heart. The advisor was silent. Medulus no longer drank ale with Rufus. He went horse riding with Thomas, who claimed to care about Medulus the most. 'Med' and 'Tom' enjoyed a lot. Rufus never bothered to argue, because he knew nothing would affect his companionship with dear ol' Med.

His dear ol' Med.
Like his dear ol' Earth.

How wrong he was then. How wrong he is now.
He is Rufus the Scared.

I am Rufus the Scared.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Dark Alleys

Confessions are weird things. You unravel yourself, little knowing that you are getting tied up with that person.

It was 4.00 am. [No I do not have an obsession with that time, but it happens so that the most interesting of events tend to occur then].

A dim passage. It smelled of old bedsheets. A dizzy head. There is noise in the background. But it gets muffled by the high spirits. It is almost soothing. She leans on the wall opposite mine and slides down to the floor. I sit too. Words are not hurried. [Those in hurry, after all, do not lean against walls of dim passages smelling like bedsheets.]

Like an avalanche, the words cascaded; unexpected, cruel. Anger, shame, guilt. Darkness like none other. Digging into graves. A disgust no language can dare to convey. "You are the only person who knows this". That sealed it. The bond between us. There was no language for comfort either.

Just silence in the dim passage.

The pain was hers, not mine. Why was it then, that i fought to remove shards of glass from my chest?

Monday, June 1, 2009

wrong clock

there's something about waking up in the evening after a good day's sleep.. more of a mellowed morning for you there. very mellowed.
get up... no wait,change mind... under the blanket again. *ahh, the bliss* one of the many perks waking up in the morning doesn't afford u.

blinding silence [no nightjars here]. a voice. NEVER in the day. ALWAYS at night. uninterrupted work, uninterrupted reading, uninterrupted eating. and i wonder why the world is sleeping.[oh that rhymed :D]

perk no.587: no NIGHTMARES in the day.